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the skinnier the better

Posted on 2007.04.13 at 18:32
Current Mood: restlessrestless
Current Music: party monster - get happy
Duane is possibly the best thing that could ever happen to me.
he's even told me "i'm the best thing that can happen to a girl"
and everything about him seems perfect.
except for one flaw.
he seems to think "the skinnier, the better"
and here i am.. not being skinny.
So, i listened to him talk for about.. hmm.
a good total of 2 hours about how i could lose weight.

"you could be like 120 or 110"
"you would be so sexy"
"you would be a supermodel"
"i'll get you into shape"
"you could probably get away with 125, but that might still be too fat"
"fat people are just fat because their lazy"

you know..
it probably should bother me, but it doesn't.
because i still want him.
and i'm stil lucky to know him.
that's all i really had to say for now.

and jack says . . .

Posted on 2007.03.27 at 01:59
Current Location: HOME!
Current Mood: crazycrazy
Current Music: heiroglyphics - at the helm

well you better love em.

ØJack AttackØ says:only for a few min
ØJack AttackØ says:lol
Ainsley .. says:hah.
ØJack AttackØ says:then i tell them to leave
ØJack AttackØ says:ok dont get the wrong idea
Ainsley .. says:hahh. ouch
ØJack AttackØ says:i am a lover
ØJack AttackØ says:i am very sensitive and caring
ØJack AttackØ says:but not for WHORES
ØJack AttackØ says:they get the cock thats it
Ainsley .. says:fair enough
ØJack AttackØ says:no kisses
ØJack AttackØ says:no love
ØJack AttackØ says:no compassion
ØJack AttackØ says:gotta seperate church and state
ØJack AttackØ says:LOL
Ainsley .. says:thats what scares me about men.
ØJack AttackØ says:ya
ØJack AttackØ says:men are all whores
ØJack AttackØ says:ok
Ainsley .. says:im just better off not dating at allllll
ØJack AttackØ says:well let me explain
ØJack AttackØ says:in a logical way
ØJack AttackØ says:NO
ØJack AttackØ says:you need to date
ØJack AttackØ says:Serious
ØJack AttackØ says:PLEASE
ØJack AttackØ says:but heres the truth
ØJack AttackØ says:men are designed to spread there sperm to as many perspective women as possible
ØJack AttackØ says:women are designed to have one man for there child
ØJack AttackØ says:to be tehere
ØJack AttackØ says:so we have different feeling
ØJack AttackØ says:s
ØJack AttackØ says:u there?>
Ainsley .. says:yes
ØJack AttackØ says:k
ØJack AttackØ says:so thats what makes us different
Ainsley .. says:hmm. fair enough...butt yeah.
ØJack AttackØ says:the penis shape is actually designed to pull out semen from the person before them
ØJack AttackØ says:and input theres
Ainsley .. says: .
ØJack AttackØ says:yes maam
ØJack AttackØ says:so there sperm will pass on
Ainsley .. says:hrm.
Ainsley .. says:well that makes things complicating
ØJack AttackØ says:yes
ØJack AttackØ says:you are wise beyond your years
Ainsley .. says:well see now that i know that.. i dunno what to think 
ØJack AttackØ says:you need to digest it
ØJack AttackØ says:its alot to take in
Ainsley .. says:hmm.
Ainsley .. says:but that just makes me not wanna date.. or be around men 
ØJack AttackØ says:no
ØJack AttackØ says:im sorry
ØJack AttackØ says:dont do that
Ainsley .. says:nah i already had those feelings before you said anything
ØJack AttackØ says:just uderstand
ØJack AttackØ says:it
ØJack AttackØ says:cant judge all men from one
ØJack AttackØ says:just like if i judged all women id sauy they are all whores
ØJack AttackØ says:but they arent
Ainsley .. says:fair enough
ØJack AttackØ says:your a cl chick
ØJack AttackØ says:consider youself lucky you have substance
ØJack AttackØ says:not a mindless girl that fits into the NORM
ØJack AttackØ says:THEY ARE WHORES
ØJack AttackØ says:lol
Ainsley .. says:oh i do consider myself lucky. lol.
ØJack AttackØ says:you have flare and individualty
ØJack AttackØ says:thats what i lk for
ØJack AttackØ says:but some guys are totally superfical
Ainsley .. says:agreed.
Ainsley .. says:lol
ØJack AttackØ says:some like money
ØJack AttackØ says:some like sex...( WHORES)
Ainsley .. says:heh.
ØJack AttackØ says:some just talk shit
ØJack AttackØ says:most are wanting a girl
ØJack AttackØ says:im lking for a girl to settle down with
Ainsley .. says:aw
ØJack AttackØ says:but its gonna take some time
ØJack AttackØ says:lotta WHORES n between
ØJack AttackØ says:BLAH
ØJack AttackØ says:can you tell i hte whore
ØJack AttackØ says:s
ØJack AttackØ says:ok well lemme tell you this
Ainsley .. says:no can't tell at all. 
ØJack AttackØ says:ever thought girls would bang you then not call
ØJack AttackØ says:they do lots
ØJack AttackØ says:just want sex
ØJack AttackØ says:im ok with it but lol
ØJack AttackØ says:then some call you all the time just for sex
Ainsley .. says:waiit, girls actually do that . . .
ØJack AttackØ says:only
ØJack AttackØ says:yes
ØJack AttackØ says:alot
Ainsley .. says:hah. i should probably get out there and learn some more.
ØJack AttackØ says:i trying to teach you
ØJack AttackØ says:but you gotta learn on your own
Ainsley .. says:yeah well i try to isolate myself from those kinds of things.. so yeah 
ØJack AttackØ says:dont
Ainsley .. says:yeah i probably shouldnt, but i tend to think its all wortheless.. 
ØJack AttackØ says:its not
ØJack AttackØ says:well life is worthless if you think that
Ainsley .. says:because im never gonna find someone to like.. settle down with and all that junk.. so i tend not to wanna associate myself with anything relating to that part of life.
ØJack AttackØ says:woah
ØJack AttackØ says:stop
ØJack AttackØ says:dont
ØJack AttackØ says:wtf
ØJack AttackØ says:if you say you are never
ØJack AttackØ says:you never will 
ØJack AttackØ says:you are already defeeated
ØJack AttackØ says:bad idea
ØJack AttackØ says:gotta have confidence
Ainsley .. says:well its what i just grew up believing cause all i ever was to my dad was wortheless and a waste of space. and i was told i'd never find anyone.. so eh.
ØJack AttackØ says:thats the first thing i get attacted to
ØJack AttackØ says:well you can beleive it
ØJack AttackØ says:you gotta know you are special
ØJack AttackØ says:you know you are
ØJack AttackØ says:JEEZ
ØJack AttackØ says:you rock
ØJack AttackØ says:well so far
ØJack AttackØ says:lol
Ainsley .. says:well i try not to, cause lord knows any man would be lucky to have me. lol
ØJack attackØ says:rgr
Ainsley .. says:what the heck does that mean.
ØJack AttackØ says:roger

.affff poo.

Posted on 2007.03.04 at 01:36
Current Mood: irritatedirritated
Current Music: don't matter - akon
matttt told me to call him.
and so..
i did..
but like why?


he's talking about how christina ..
this 15yr old girl..
and him were holding hands on the way to the city.

and how cute it was.
and i was like "oh yeah...
that sounds plenty cute alright"



Posted on 2007.02.27 at 20:10
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
x2 slc.pza.
x1 bana.
x2 cryslt.
x1 haz.coff.
x1 bwl.alph.

.significant decrease

Posted on 2007.02.27 at 16:45
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: injection - rise against
I need to lose...
60 lbs or maybe more.
by June 26th.
for my grad.
with the lovely matt.
if he hasnt bailed on our date.

trim-1.5lb1week, 15lb3week tl. 45lb3month,6lb2week, 6lb4day, 5weekp.s20-14, 5lb3day, 2lb2day, 6lbs3week,13lb3week, 22lb4week, 26lb9week, 75lb3month,
cylaris-20lb2week,  2lb3day,
NV-10lb3week, 4lb2week, 12lb7week, 35lb10week,
slimquick-4lb1week, 10lb2week,
phentermine-35lb2month, 8lb5day,5lb10day.

to work on this...
my route is trim/mf.
i already planned on mf.
i just need to look sexy.

10wk1+ 6.25wk1=16.25g
wgf 277 - 200 - 127

i think my fat makes matt uncomfortable.

td=coffee, crystal light, alphb.

. i wanna rock

Posted on 2007.02.27 at 16:40
Current Location: home
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: twisted sister - i wanna rock

since last night.
i feel matt is like trying to avoid me.
maybe its just paranoia.
most likely?
i cant help but think that though.
he was telling me about his dream last night.

" i found a cell phone and brought it back to the girl and we fell in love"
apparently its a sign.
because he always has nightmares.
a sign of what?
who knows...


Posted on 2007.02.19 at 15:35
Current Mood: crappycrappy
Current Music: first day of the rest of our lives-mxpx
all day..
i was thinking of Damien.
and how i missssss him.
i get home..
he gets online =O

man.. havent talked to him since.. about.. well.. let's see.
October. Yup  =\

*sigh* you'll never forget you're first love.
and.. i finally seen a picture of his new girlfriend..
well and him.
and i dont know if she's fat cause she's pregnant or if shes just...
 and i still can't help but be jealous.
and wonder..
what would have happened if i were to STAY with him?
where would my life be?
i cant get it out of my head.
*le sigh*
well at least he says he still likes me.
but as nick says..
i can get hurt.


heyyyy... looking at that picture..
makes me wanna cry.
life is toughers =(

.couldn't hide the emptiness

Posted on 2007.02.19 at 15:32
Current Location: Grandads
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: nelly furtado-say it right

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy going to a job interview and the company saying, you have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

.before its too late, this could all dissapear

Posted on 2007.02.14 at 12:12
Current Location: grandpa's
Current Music: first day of the rest of our lives - MXPX
got my braces off =D

talked to matt =D  =D

all in all...

.keep holding on

Posted on 2007.02.14 at 12:10
Current Location: grandpas
Current Music: keep holding on - avril lavigne
I've been searching for
A heart that needs a heart like mine
I've been reaching for
A hand that understands
I've been waiting for
Someone that I can love
That loves me
Loves me for the one that I am

Someone to hold me when I'm lonely
Someone to keep the rain away
They say

There's one in this world for everyone
One heart
One soul to walk beside you
One in this life to share your love
One touch
To touch the heart inside you
Wanna reach for each night
Wanna trust with your life
That's what I believe
You're the one
The one in this world for me

I've been praying that
Someone like you would rescue me
I've been hoping that
I'll find my way to you
I've been dreaming that
Somehow I'll finally find somebody
Somebody to make my dreams come true

Somebody to hold me when I'm lonely
Someone to tell my secrets to
Someone who's living for me only
Someone to give my whole world to
They say

You're the one in this world for me

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